Sexual Choice...what freedom of choice should mean.

There is a lot that's been said about feminism and sexuality. It's a heated argument on both sides, from women's right to control their sexual health and the way they express their sexuality to the fear that this demand has led to the sexual exploitation of women.

In many ways, I side with feminism and its painfully simple (and yet often denied) truth that a woman's worth is not defined by her sexuality or what she does with it. This is not meant as an attack towards anyone who values conservative values, but rather it's an attack on the idea that sexual exploration (even--or especially--when it's a bad idea) "corrupts" or "pollutes" a woman. This mindset is often the product of slut-shaming, a double standard that links the value of a woman to her "purity"...which often means that those who express themselves outside of this value are seen as lesser. Other.

There are plenty of articles out there talking about why this is a bad ideology, and how slut-shaming leads to the perpetuation of our current rape culture. I think those are important articles. They're necessary. They're timely (the Miley Cyrus uproar, anyone?).

They are not this blog.

I don't disagree that public opinion is still often skewed towards objectification and dehumanization of women (yes, ladies and gents...when you place a woman's value entirely in her sexuality--rather than her characteristics as a person--you are practicing dehumanization). But this is actually a response to a scathing review of 50 Shades of Grey.

Normally, I am all for scathing reviews when it comes to Twilight or its fanfiction offspring (again, that's another post), but what struck me this time was the author's snidely dismissive comment: "Are we honestly supposed to believe that a 20 year old woman hasn't had sex?"

....Ouch.

There is so much loaded in that question. There's the idea that, if you are 20 or older and are still a virgin, you are "Other." And, like every time we "other" people...there's the implication that if you fit into this "other" category, something must be wrong.

Let's put aside the ideas of repression, religious duty, or political appropriation of sexuality. Let's step back from the (very pressing and real) concerns posed by lack of proper sex education and the prevalence of STDs.

Instead, let's talk about the meaning of the word "choice."

Last time I checked, feminism was all about a woman's right to choose how to express her sexuality. Which means, if she so chooses, she can choose not to have sex.

That's right. A woman has the right to say no to sex. Not on a case by case basis. Not for safety, or for virtue, or because it's the "right" thing to do. Simply because they do.

If we try to define the justifiable reasons a woman has for saying "No," we're limiting her as much as if we define the justifiable reasons she has for saying "Yes."

I do not believe that women need to "save themselves" to be "good," "pure," "holy," "safe," "virtuous," "nice," or "smart." But I also refuse to believe that saying "That's not something I want to do," whether it means right now, in the near future, or ever, is always a sign of being "repressed," "close-minded," "naive," or "controlled."

A woman's sexuality is just that. Hers. Her comfort level is also hers. And she is the only one who has the right to define what she chooses to do with them. Regardless of what that choice is.